Divine Timing, Gray Sweatpants, and the Art of Becoming Her
“I’ve known him most of my life.
Yet, to know him like this? To be the one that learns what makes his breath hitch, to hear the sound he makes right before he spills himself deep into me – fuck...”
Soulmates, Silver Linings, & Love Written in The Stars
“My mom is the oxygen that sustains the air-flow to his lungs. She is the reason his heart keeps on beating one struggling tick after another.
She is the life force that surrounds this man’s aura.
And I noticed for the few days my mother was admitted in the hospital, once she was removed from his electromagnetic field—the light fading slowly around my father as his worry grew.”
The 90s Sitcoms Lied: Reinventing Yourself Isn’t a Midlife Crisis
“UNLEARNING TAKES GUTS. REWRITING YOUR LIFE MID-WAY THROUGH ISN’T EASY.
IT PISSES PEOPLE THE FUCK OFF. IT MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU SHOW OTHERS HOW DEEPLY ASLEEP THEY STILL ARE.”
Entry Ten: Sexpectations vs. Reality: Dating in your 40s- Part Deux
“Because when sex is good–with the right person–it’s a goddamn religious experience.
And that blowjob you used to dread giving?
It won’t feel so much like a chore anymore.
It’ll feel like a gift.
One your mouth is happy to deliver. With grace and a little bit of vengeance. “
Entry Eight: Right from Wrong & Hanes Her Way
"TIME TO HIKE MY HANES HER WAY
GRANNY PANTIES ABOVE MY C-SECTION SCAR AND CALL IT A
FUCKING DAY..
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO UNTIL MY ANXIETY KICKED IN WEARING PLATFORM
HEELS WHILE LIGHTING MY
NERVOUS SYSTEM ON FIRE LIKE IT WAS 1997 AND SOMEONE JUST PLAYED BOYS II MEN OVER A SLOW-MOTION BREAKUP SCENE.
TERRIBLE, I KNOW."
Entry Seven- Holiday Jitters, Diabetes, & The Holy Spirit
“As the kids got older I stopped giving a shit about baskets. I upgraded to gift bags because I refuse – REFUSE – to keep buying grass filler that will haunt anyone like a post-Christmas pity fuck accompanied by an STD from your hometown crush – and once stud.”
