The 90s Sitcoms Lied: Reinventing Yourself Isn’t a Midlife Crisis
“UNLEARNING TAKES GUTS. REWRITING YOUR LIFE MID-WAY THROUGH ISN’T EASY.
IT PISSES PEOPLE THE FUCK OFF. IT MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU SHOW OTHERS HOW DEEPLY ASLEEP THEY STILL ARE.”
Entry Ten: Sexpectations vs. Reality: Dating in your 40s- Part Deux
“Because when sex is good–with the right person–it’s a goddamn religious experience.
And that blowjob you used to dread giving?
It won’t feel so much like a chore anymore.
It’ll feel like a gift.
One your mouth is happy to deliver. With grace and a little bit of vengeance. “
Entry Eight: Right from Wrong & Hanes Her Way
"TIME TO HIKE MY HANES HER WAY
GRANNY PANTIES ABOVE MY C-SECTION SCAR AND CALL IT A
FUCKING DAY..
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO UNTIL MY ANXIETY KICKED IN WEARING PLATFORM
HEELS WHILE LIGHTING MY
NERVOUS SYSTEM ON FIRE LIKE IT WAS 1997 AND SOMEONE JUST PLAYED BOYS II MEN OVER A SLOW-MOTION BREAKUP SCENE.
TERRIBLE, I KNOW."
The Sacred Shit Show Before the Start
Healing is a slow, annoying, mind-bending process that sometimes feels like trying to do yoga in a straightjacket. And when life gets quiet, my brain—being the chaotic cunt it is—fills the silence with worst-case scenarios and imaginary arguments with people I haven’t spoken to in years. Staying in my Positive Polly era is a full-time job, but sometimes it just feels like the world is crumbling and I’m stuck underneath it with a tiny plastic spoon and a half-charged vibrator for support.
