The 90s Sitcoms Lied: Reinventing Yourself Isn’t a Midlife Crisis
“UNLEARNING TAKES GUTS. REWRITING YOUR LIFE MID-WAY THROUGH ISN’T EASY.
IT PISSES PEOPLE THE FUCK OFF. IT MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU SHOW OTHERS HOW DEEPLY ASLEEP THEY STILL ARE.”
Entry Ten: Sexpectations vs. Reality: Dating in your 40s- Part Deux
“Because when sex is good–with the right person–it’s a goddamn religious experience.
And that blowjob you used to dread giving?
It won’t feel so much like a chore anymore.
It’ll feel like a gift.
One your mouth is happy to deliver. With grace and a little bit of vengeance. “
Entry Eight: Right from Wrong & Hanes Her Way
"TIME TO HIKE MY HANES HER WAY
GRANNY PANTIES ABOVE MY C-SECTION SCAR AND CALL IT A
FUCKING DAY..
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO UNTIL MY ANXIETY KICKED IN WEARING PLATFORM
HEELS WHILE LIGHTING MY
NERVOUS SYSTEM ON FIRE LIKE IT WAS 1997 AND SOMEONE JUST PLAYED BOYS II MEN OVER A SLOW-MOTION BREAKUP SCENE.
TERRIBLE, I KNOW."
Manifest. Mourn. Masturbate. Repeat: A Midlife Awakening
“I HAD A HEART-TO-HEART WITH MY PHYSICIAN RECENTLY AND EXPLAINED TO HER THAT THERE IS ONE THING IN LIFE I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. AND THAT MY FRIENDS ARE ORGASMS...
THE FACT THAT MY ANTI-ANXIETY MEDICATION LIKES TO NUMB MY CLITORIS, ISN’T A WIN IN MY BOOK. I’D RATHER LIVE WITH MY ANXIETY AND JERK OFF ALL DAY WITH SOME ACTUAL FEELING IN MY GENITALS. LIFE IS SHORT, AND ORGASMS ARE SACRED.”
Journal Prompt: The Lover Who Broke You Wide Open (And What You Learned About Love & Loss)
“My deepest heartbreak wasn’t even with the men I legally shared health insurance with. And yet, he was the one who taught me what it means to completely lose yourself in someone else – and how fucking hard it is to claw your way back…”
