The 90s Sitcoms Lied: Reinventing Yourself Isn’t a Midlife Crisis
“UNLEARNING TAKES GUTS. REWRITING YOUR LIFE MID-WAY THROUGH ISN’T EASY.
IT PISSES PEOPLE THE FUCK OFF. IT MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU WAKE UP, YOU SHOW OTHERS HOW DEEPLY ASLEEP THEY STILL ARE.”
Entry Eleven: Red-Rover Days, Boardwalk Nights, & The Ones Who Believed It Was “Just My Luck”…
I recently became a Legislative Ambassador for the state of New Jersey through the American Cancer Society – using my voice, my writing, and every ounce of my platform to raise awareness for cholangiocarcinoma, a rare and aggressive bile duct cancer.
I do this in honor of my cousin, Roberto T. Rivera “Bobby” — the boy who helped shape my childhood and a man who was promised ten years to fight, but only survived 373 days after diagnosis.
I’m here to take his words, “Just my luck…” and turn it into something powerful.
Something lasting.
Now, I speak not just for him, but for every family who hears the word cancer and feels the clock start ticking.
Stay tuned for upcoming fundraisers, events, and a donation page added to The Hollow Quill ~ The Roberto T. Rivera “Bobby” Memorial Fund.
Entry Ten: Sexpectations vs. Reality: Dating in your 40s- Part Deux
“Because when sex is good–with the right person–it’s a goddamn religious experience.
And that blowjob you used to dread giving?
It won’t feel so much like a chore anymore.
It’ll feel like a gift.
One your mouth is happy to deliver. With grace and a little bit of vengeance. “
Entry Nine: Big Dick Energy, Small Dick Results: The Disastrous Shit-Show of Dating in Your 40s
“I THEN DROPPED A DEAR TRAVEL GOAL—VISITING GERMANY. I WENT OFF ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE STUDYING WWII HISTORY AND HOW FASICNATED I AM BY THAT TIME PERIOD. I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO SEE THE CONCENTRATION CAMPS, WALK THE BEACHES OF NORMANDY, AND JUST DO ALL THE THINGS—TAKE IT ALL IN, EVERY GUT-WRENCHING, HISTORICALLY SIGNIFICANT PART OF IT.
ONLY TO REMEMBER, A LITTLE TOO-FUCKING-LATE—THAT THE MAN IS JEWISH...”
Entry Eight: Right from Wrong & Hanes Her Way
"TIME TO HIKE MY HANES HER WAY
GRANNY PANTIES ABOVE MY C-SECTION SCAR AND CALL IT A
FUCKING DAY..
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DO UNTIL MY ANXIETY KICKED IN WEARING PLATFORM
HEELS WHILE LIGHTING MY
NERVOUS SYSTEM ON FIRE LIKE IT WAS 1997 AND SOMEONE JUST PLAYED BOYS II MEN OVER A SLOW-MOTION BREAKUP SCENE.
TERRIBLE, I KNOW."
Entry Seven- Holiday Jitters, Diabetes, & The Holy Spirit
“As the kids got older I stopped giving a shit about baskets. I upgraded to gift bags because I refuse – REFUSE – to keep buying grass filler that will haunt anyone like a post-Christmas pity fuck accompanied by an STD from your hometown crush – and once stud.”
