Bistro Style 🥘 🇵🇷 Chuck Roast
As a proud and barely loud Puerto Rican 🇵🇷 woman, I do have to express the love our culture has for cooking.
Its in our DNA. Imprinted upon our soul from the moment we are force-fed our first bite of arroz con gandules at four-months-old. Because our mothers and their mothers, truly gave NO FUCKS.
The exotic spices our beautiful women bring to the food we cook with pride, quite literally raise the tiny hairs on our mens taint.
It is such a passion of ours.
We want to over serve you the most ridiculous amount of food, only to become offended when you don’t eat it all. And when we ask you, “is it good?” And your response is, “Yea, it was good, but not like grandma’s…” — It’s like a quick jab to the tit — or a no warning chancleta thrown across the room by your idiot brother.
Mother Fuckers…
Although, it is what it is now. If my children don’t necessarily like what I cook for a dinner night they come over for— don’t eat it. Spend the $57.29 it will cost you to UberEats a burger and fries to the house.
NOTHING pisses me off more. Especially when I know it’s good, and I didn’t just cook, but COOKED.
As a young mom, in my twenties, cooking for a family of seven sucked.
Cooking felt more like a chore. I had five young children and although they pretty much ate anything I served them, it was still the same things over and over again with not much variety.
Now, they are older and, I — divorced, single, and living with myself for myself. I now cook whatever the fuck I want. Therefore, if that means Dino chicken nuggets three nights in a row because it is my current hyper-fixation food, then so be it.
But alas… here we are. Not using the highly processed, red dye 40 sazón we all grew up on, yet it still coming out fucking delicious.
BISTRO CHUCK ROAST
~ Ingredients ~
4–5 lb chuck roast
Olive oil for searing and sautéing
Salt & black pepper
1 large white onion, chopped
8 oz cremini mushrooms, sliced
4–5 rainbow carrots, peeled & chopped
1 lb red potatoes, quartered
1 cup beef stock (plus extra if needed)
1 cup Cabernet Sauvignon or a dry red wine of choice~ I enjoy the brand Josh. It’s delightful.
2 TBS garlic powder
2 TBS onion powder
1–2 tbsp Trader Joe’s sofrito (optional – contains red pepper)
Fresh herbs (like rosemary, thyme, or parsley—whatever your heart wants)
~Instructions ~
Preheat oven to 325°F
Put on something you wouldn’t mind sweating in. A roast isn’t a meal—it’s a journey.
In a heavy-bottomed Dutch oven, or the very same one you “borrowed” from your mom three years ago, heat a generous swirl of olive oil over medium-high heat.
*If you are asking what a “generous swirl” means… I don’t fucking know. Just ensure you have enough to sear the roast on all sides. If you need more, just add it.
Season chuck roast liberally with salt and pepper — act as if your passive-aggressively texting your ex, no filter and without hesitation.
Sear on all sides until deeply browned (about 3–4 minutes per side).
Remove roast from pan and set aside.
Sauté the onions:
In the same pot, add chopped onions, sprinkle some salt and pepp—not too much, you can always adjust later on— sauté until translucent and golden.
Remove and set aside.
HINT ONE ~ You may need to add some more olive oil, or whatever oil you choose. If the pan is dry, you aren’t going to be searing shit — add some oil.
Sauté the mushrooms:
Toss sliced mushrooms into the same pot. Sauté until they’re fragrant and slightly browned. Remove and set aside.
HINT TWO ~ LOOK ABOVE ⬆️
Layer it all together:
Return the chuck roast to the pot. Layer in the onions, mushrooms, chopped carrots, and red potatoes around and over the roast.
Pour the liquids:
Add 1 cup beef stock and 1 cup Cabernet.
*Want it juicier ~ like, macaroni and cheese, type wet?? Go wild and add more of broth—no one's judging.
Season it up:
Season liberally in 2 TBS garlic powder, onion powder, and a spoonful or two of Trader Joes’s Dry Sofrito Seasoning Blend
*if your a pussy to heat, just like myself, but still want the flavor just add a minimal amount and adjust to your liking.
Toss in fresh herbs for a little rustic bistro soul. I used Rosemary and Thyme—IDK how much of each, whatever looked prettiest.
Cover & Roast:
Seal it up. Lid, foil, whatever. The goal is containment.
Pop it in the oven and cook for 2.5 to 3 hours.
At the 2-hour mark, open the lid and gently fork the meat—consensually. If it falls apart at the touch, it’s ready.
If not, give it more time. Let it stew in its own juices like a freshly dumped 42-year-old perimenopausal woman soaking in a bubble bath sipping her third glass of cabernet, rubbing one out like no ones fucking business.
By the end, your meat should be tender, rich, and almost reminiscent of your Tia Louisa’s vaginé you happened to catch a glimpse of one night as she bent over in her bata with no panties on—warm, soft, and falling apart in all the right places.
Serve:
Plate straight onto this gorgeous serving dish I found on amazon, with an piece of crusty sourdough bread. Mopping up all the non-prepackaged, processed, red-dye 40 sazón not so healthy options, but still just as flavorful.
💋 Final Notes:
Cooking is all about creating your flavor story.
Want more garlic? Add it.
Hate mushrooms? Leave ‘em out. However, I hated mushrooms growing up, but with the right sauté-until they are so brown, and so fragrant, almost looking as if burned, ahhhhh the flavor!
Play with the herbs, try a splash of balsamic, or throw in pearl onions for drama. Make it yours.
Cheers…
