Depth Over Dick: Choosing Alignment, Healing & Loving Yourself Loudly
I’ve been reflecting this week.
Thinking of ALL OF THE THINGS.
How can I better myself? How can I stay focused with no distractions? Is there a way to continue on this journey in life, still building and creating my most authentic self without slipping, falling, and busting my ass again.
In order to figure this out I had to sit with the demons I’ve buried deep in the depths of my mind. The same place from which I crawled my way out of countless of times. Embracing the pain — the agony.
Ultimately remembering how fucking strong I am to have done so.
The doubt the comes with an anxious, over-thinking brain is incredibly tiresome. The ADHD doesn’t help much either.
However, I do enjoy this—sitting with my demons, not often. Just once in a while.
To remember. To recognize where I’m at now and who I’ve become. Look at the choices I’ve made to become a better person, and truly reflect.
Think of all the things you have changed in your life…
Who’s company do you keep?
People from the past that barely show support to your face and quickly to jump on the bandwagon of judgement behind your back??
Or possibly, do you have old/new friends who SHOW UP?
Supporting, hyping, and screaming your name from ROOFTOPS because they are so proud of the accomplishments you have made thus far. And even louder with encouragement to KEEP GOING.
Are you questioning morals — treading on the cusp of disloyalty and temptation once again?
Because when the old ways are dangled in front of you like the piece of meat you only dreamed of dicking down, how do you once again turn down the natural calling of being a fucking hoe??
How do you tell the emotionally unavailable men that keep flooding your inbox with lies and promises to stay the fuck away, when all you want is the slightest of attention from a man. A touch, a caress, a good fucking make out session!
For what though?? To become disappointed yet-a-fucking-gain…
It is hard to admit though. Sometimes you yearn for the chaotic energy. The sneaky links, car sex, and hotel hookups.
The late night phone calls, dirty pics, and sexting. The lies that slipped between their teeth that you chose to believe just so they could touch you.
You curb all doubts, questions, and red flags waving just as loudly as the Star-Bangled Banner in 1776 with the FIREWORKS ON DISPLAY.
But, c’mon… he called you ‘good girl’ and told you you were the best fuck he’s ever had.
Isn’t that enough to win him over??
Excuse me, doesn’t that warrant you wifey material?
Sadly, no.
I learned the hard way. Just like I have with everything else in my life.
The mind is a fickle bitch. And the Ego certainly knows how to release the tendrils of the demons you’ve coiled so tightly away. They get off at tickling the consciousness into submission—enticing you to revert back into the old ways.
Trying to find love, true authentic love after growing from such a shit mindset is one of the most difficult areas in growth. Because I feel as if I’m ready for love. I’m ready for someone to choose me first for the very first time.
It’s difficult, however.
Beyond difficult actually— to continue giving pieces of yourself to people who refuse see your worth. Trying to get to know someone on a deeper level, being open and transparent with what you are looking for is great and all when there’s authenticity behind your words. But your actions are telling a whole different story.
So please, which one is it??
I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, that was until a friend came over and told me I don’t realize my worth.
As we chatted in my kitchen, I’m throwing in spices and herbs into whatever-the-fuck I was cooking that day when she told me to stop—abruptly.
“Come with me,” she said.
I followed her outside onto the back deck—questionable but it’s whatever.
“I need you to see what you have to offer, because we often don’t see it ourselves and are not often told.”
I listened.
She proceed to explain how she felt when walking into my tiny bungalow on the Jersey Shore — John Mayer playing in the background, candles lit around the house, the mouth-watering aroma of the meal I was preparing filled the house with such a delicious scent she expressed how couldn’t believe I was doing it all.
Not only was I taken aback, I couldn’t understand it. All I was doing was cooking. I enjoy candles, I love food—good food. And great company.
“If someone doesn’t want to come home to you and THIS. The warmth you bring, the love and attention you want to share. If they don’t want THIS… they are simply not for you.”
She reminded me I do have plenty to offer someone.
And that’s when the light-bulb turned-on.
I know I have so much to offer the right person. To share my quiet life and BIG love with someone is what I ultimately want. But I’m willing to wait and not entertain the idea of others who are content on being content.
I want someone obsessed with their love for me — in a healthy way. Love me wholly or not at all. Love with conviction and authenticity so much so that I know your soul the moment it steps into a room.
Share your nightmares so I can bless them with my dreams. Entrust me your heart and allow me to do the same without hesitation or reservation.
I am no longer an option, thought, or question. If I feel as if I am then we can go our separate ways.
My intuition has been nothing but SPOT ON lately. But I can’t ignore her anymore — I can’t tell her “no” or push her to the side just so I can have a great orgasm and pretentious affection for a few hours, only to feel emptiness later.
PURTY BODY
Snatched VAG G-String : No camel-Toe, Pure Confidence 💋
And I will keep doing this over entertaining the idea of having a man show minimal effort, not wanting anything more than my cake and NOT proving any fucking ice cream to go with it.
Absolutely not giving a shit that I am lactose intolerant.
I won’t wait around for half-assed affection or breadcrumbed love stories that go nowhere. I’m not interested in being someone’s “maybe” any more. Because what I bring to the table isn’t just dinner—it’s flavorful food, lit candles, deep connection, unmatched head, and love that heals ancestral trauma.
This time, I’m choosing peace over chaos.
Depth over dick. Alignment over attention.
And until the day someone shows up doesn’t flinch at my fire, I’ll keep making my own meals, playing my own soundtrack, and continue to fall in love with myself.
I am the MAIN CHARACTER in MY LIFE and I’m not sure why I haven’t treated her better, but she deserves all the happiness in the world—and I’ll make sure to give that to her.
Until next time…
ANYTIME & ANYWHERE
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This is not a planner.
It’s not a reset.
And it’s not here to rush your healing.
The Hollow Quill Reflection Journal is a 10-page guided digital journal created to help you slow down, reflect honestly, and close the year with intention — without pressure or perfection.
Designed for women who want to acknowledge the year they actually lived, this journal offers thoughtful prompts for gratitude, awareness, and gentle self-discovery.
This is not a planner.
It’s not a reset.
And it’s not here to rush your healing.
The Hollow Quill Reflection Journal is a 21-page guided digital journal created to help you slow down, reflect honestly, and close the year with intention — without pressure or perfection.
Designed for women who want to acknowledge the year they actually lived, this journal offers thoughtful prompts for gratitude, awareness, and gentle self-discovery.
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